To my Trumpeteer Friend (note: don't google pics of golden showers):

I am not a conspiracy theorist. I don’t think Trump is a Russian stooge—but there is room to wonder. He acts like one.

I am not anti-Russian. I understand that the cold war and following semi-cold war between Russia and the United States had a lot to do with the Malta Conference and Russia’s sense of betrayal. In some sense, there is probably a conflict between communist and capitalist ideology, but anyone who images Russia as communist doesn’t know his left hand from his right. I can, at any rate, respect Russia’s deep anger toward the West.

So: let’s imagine that Russia wanted as our president someone who would advance their agenda. What would they like? A president who would create cultural warfare within our citizenry. Someone who would encourage division while pretending to sponsor unity (the necessary Presidential trope). Someone who would disrupt relationships between the United States and European countries. Someone who would clearly demonstrate the fault lines in democratic capitalism and what lay behind the Founders' creation of the electoral college: that the people could elect idiots.

Ok, Trump’s not an idiot, but he’s far from intelligent (ask him to release his college transcripts). One has only to watch him painfully read from his teleprompter to gauge the depth of his intellect. But . . . but . . . well, is Putin blackmailing him? So Trump has an affair with Stormy Daniels. He gets his lawyer to buy Daniels off a few weeks before the election—opening him to further blackmail, should Daniels be so inclined. Like is anyone going to believe that Trump didn’t know about that payment??? If you do, I have a bridge in Brooklyn for you (and a wall that Mexico will pay for).

And there was a wild night in Russia with Trump and some oligarchs in a “gentlemen’s” club with women performers pretending to urinate on other performers—a kind of “golden showers.” And then a report of a later night in which Trump engaged “escorts” to golden shower the bed on which the Obamas had slept. All possibly recorded by Putin, the former head of the KGB.

So we have the email breakins, the Russian bots, the tinkering with the election, and Trump wins. 

In truth, I attribute Trump’s win to Clinton’s weak campaign. But he also won with the help of the Russians—this much we know. And so now, Russia has him. They have a fool as president; one who has created division within our country, who has alienated the United States from our European allies, who has stepped out of Syria, who has initiated a trade war, essentially disrupting the global economy, and who doesn't know whether he is coming or going to North Korea.

It might not be blackmail, but it’s as good as.